Today is actually my full first day of being on bed rest. I should have been at work today with two of my best friends... but as it looks it will be many months before I return to work. I am not supposed to drive, they told me I am allowed to move from the bed, to the couch, to the bathroom and back. This is going to be a long ride that I do not know if I am ready for.
Yesterday I went to the Center for Advanced Fetal Care at University of MD Hospital. First they took me into an ultrasound room, there were two doctors and the ultrasound tech present. The ultrasound tech was nice, she explained to me everything she was scanning. She did a whole anatomy scan and checked again to make sure the baby is in fact a girl! She weighs about 11oz.
When they were finished, they told me they would be back in a few minutes they were going to go over the results, and that I may need another ultrasound. When they came back, they took me to another ultrasound room, where a different doctor (who I later learned is the fetal cardiologist) was looking over my chart. She then introduced herself, and I had over an hour of another ultrasound which the fetal cardiologist did herself, it was a fetal echocardiogram, looking at the baby's heart in detail. She was definitely honest and wanted me to consider the long term future of my baby, and the chances that she would need a heart transplant in 15 years, if she survived the first 3 surgeries. She told me about the pediatric cardiac surgeon they have on staff (who I did not get to meet yet, he was out of state), and how amazing he is and how when he isn't in surgery he is in the lab doing stem cell research on HLHS cases, and is awaiting FDA approval within a few weeks.
Next I met the Director of Obstetrics. He talked about the many detours and wrong turns that can happen when dealing with an HLHS pregnancy, birth, surgeries, and after care, and that it is very rarely a straight shot. I was going to ask, but he answered my question before I verbalized it. A baby at least 7lbs is ideal to survive birth and the first surgery. A 6lb baby has a pretty good chance, a 5lb baby has less of a chance, and a 3-4lb baby the odds aren't good at all. Next he factored in my high risk of pre-term delivery, since Emoree was 3lbs 15oz at birth due to my unicornuate uterus and now incompetent cervix. I had a cervix length measurement yesterday, and it was an alarming 2.0cm. It went down 0.6cm in a week. This is why I am now on strict bed rest. Nobody sugar coated anything to me, instead they gave me the grim realistic truth of what lies ahead.
I was there for over 3 hours yesterday. After meeting the Director of Obstetrics, the Fetal Cardiologist came back in the room and was very excited because their only other patient pregnant with an HLHS baby happened to be there that day, and she really wanted us to meet. We met, and talked for about 15 minutes. She is a sweet, very positive woman who is a little bit further along in her pregnancy than I am. She told me about her experiences so far, since she has known for awhile longer than I have about her baby's condition, and we talked for a bit which I found helpful.
After we left, we picked up Emoree from daycare and enrolled her in full-time 5 days a week, rather than the 3 days a week schedule she was on since I won't be able to care for her for a full day being on bed rest. That is an extra $45 a week.
When we got home, I immediately felt a little depressed. The reality of what bed rest meant was starting to settle in for me, not to mention the overwhelming day that I had.
Overnight last night was extremely difficult. I couldn't sleep and emotion started to take over. Can I really do this? Is it fair to Emoree? These are questions I don't have answers for...
Today I need to call my work's FMLA/short term disability insurance so that I start getting paid for my time off...
I have an OB appointment next Wednesday May 2nd @ 9:30AM for my glucose test, and it will be my first time seeing my OB since the diagnosis. Friday May 4th I have an appointment at the Fetal Care Center for a cervix length check, which I will now have done weekly. My next fetal cardiology appointment is Wednesday May 9th, at which time I hope I also get to meet the Pediatric Cardiac Surgeon.... my only foreseeable future revolves around doctors appointments...
I bought a preemie sleeper the other day, and also a pack of preemie diapers... but now I need to return them, because we won't get to use them either way. I can't bring myself to putting together a nursery. I'm not putting together the crib, decorating, or washing and folding baby clothes like I dreamed about doing for the first half of my pregnancy... I can't bear to do it. At this point, I really don't think Anya is going to make it. I can't picture her being a child and growing up at all. So I'm not doing any more belly pics, no more crochet projects (except for Emoree). This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through...
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
19 Weeks & 1 Day: Gender Reveal
The post everyone is waiting for: Baby #2 is a girl! Her name is Anya Leigh. She is measuring just 3 days behind and ways approximately 9oz as of yesterday. However, the good news stops there.
I knew something was wrong as soon as my perinatalogist followed the ultrasound tech back into the room. She told me Anya has a serious congenital heart defect called 'Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome', and it is the worst case of it she has ever seen. The ultrasound tech did spend an extra long amount of time looking at the heart, but I didn't think anything of it because I was so excited to finally find out the gender. The easiest way to explain it is the left side of her heart is underdeveloped and they clearly showed me afterward on the ultrasound screen where there is no blood flow on the left side of her heart. Paired with the high risk of prematurity and the extent of her heart defect, this comes with a high mortality rate. She will probably be okay through now and when I deliver; the critical time comes from birth through her first surgery that will most likely occur at 2-4 days old to put a shunt in her heart and widen the aorta opening. If she makes it, she will have at least two more reconstructive cardiac surgeries, at approx 4-6 months old and again at 1.5-4 years old to re-route the flow of deoxygenated blood.
I am an emotional wreck. I barely slept at all last night, and waves of emotion come and go. Why did this happen? Everyone assures me it is nothing I did to cause this, but they really don't know WHAT caused it. From the beginning I have had that small feeling in the back of my mind that something wasn't right that I didn't tell anyone... turns out, I was right. I just woke up from a nap and feeling a tiny bit better, so I felt like it was the right time to type this and announce it to the world...
This morning we were back at the hospital and I had my blood drawn, genetic counseling, and an amniocentisis. I do not wish an amnio on anyone! It was extremely painful. Using an ultrasound as a guide, the stuck a long needle through my belly into my uterus to extract amniotic fluid to do a chromosone study. Since I have an extra small size uterus, they had difficulty getting the needle in the right place to safely draw fluid, so for what felt like minutes they wiggled the needle around in my skin to find the right place. Maybe it wouldn't be *as* painful for someone with a normal uterus and an appropriate amount of amniotic fluid, but for me it was torture. The results take 2-3 weeks to come back.
I also had them check my cervix length today, since we skipped that yesterday after hearing the news... my cervix has shortened slightly to 2.5-2.7cm, no precautions there but I go back in 2 weeks for another scan.
The next step is to see the fetal cardiologist. My appointment is next Thursday, April 26th @ 12:30pm at the Center for Advanced Fetal Care. I am not sure whether this appointment is just a consult, or if they will be doing a fetal echocardiogram the same day. This also changes the hospital at which I will be delivering, I was going to be at GBMC (where I had Emoree) but now I will be delivering at University of MD hospital because this is where Anya's heart surgery will be done as well. This also changes my OB, I am still seeing my current OB for now until they "officially" transfer my care, so I do not know who will be delivering my baby yet. I will also be seeing them every 2 weeks or so until birth, which means more doctors appts :-/
Belly pic I took Tuesday :)
19 Weeks: 190.2lbs (+ 0.6 lbs)
I knew something was wrong as soon as my perinatalogist followed the ultrasound tech back into the room. She told me Anya has a serious congenital heart defect called 'Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome', and it is the worst case of it she has ever seen. The ultrasound tech did spend an extra long amount of time looking at the heart, but I didn't think anything of it because I was so excited to finally find out the gender. The easiest way to explain it is the left side of her heart is underdeveloped and they clearly showed me afterward on the ultrasound screen where there is no blood flow on the left side of her heart. Paired with the high risk of prematurity and the extent of her heart defect, this comes with a high mortality rate. She will probably be okay through now and when I deliver; the critical time comes from birth through her first surgery that will most likely occur at 2-4 days old to put a shunt in her heart and widen the aorta opening. If she makes it, she will have at least two more reconstructive cardiac surgeries, at approx 4-6 months old and again at 1.5-4 years old to re-route the flow of deoxygenated blood.
I am an emotional wreck. I barely slept at all last night, and waves of emotion come and go. Why did this happen? Everyone assures me it is nothing I did to cause this, but they really don't know WHAT caused it. From the beginning I have had that small feeling in the back of my mind that something wasn't right that I didn't tell anyone... turns out, I was right. I just woke up from a nap and feeling a tiny bit better, so I felt like it was the right time to type this and announce it to the world...
This morning we were back at the hospital and I had my blood drawn, genetic counseling, and an amniocentisis. I do not wish an amnio on anyone! It was extremely painful. Using an ultrasound as a guide, the stuck a long needle through my belly into my uterus to extract amniotic fluid to do a chromosone study. Since I have an extra small size uterus, they had difficulty getting the needle in the right place to safely draw fluid, so for what felt like minutes they wiggled the needle around in my skin to find the right place. Maybe it wouldn't be *as* painful for someone with a normal uterus and an appropriate amount of amniotic fluid, but for me it was torture. The results take 2-3 weeks to come back.
I also had them check my cervix length today, since we skipped that yesterday after hearing the news... my cervix has shortened slightly to 2.5-2.7cm, no precautions there but I go back in 2 weeks for another scan.
The next step is to see the fetal cardiologist. My appointment is next Thursday, April 26th @ 12:30pm at the Center for Advanced Fetal Care. I am not sure whether this appointment is just a consult, or if they will be doing a fetal echocardiogram the same day. This also changes the hospital at which I will be delivering, I was going to be at GBMC (where I had Emoree) but now I will be delivering at University of MD hospital because this is where Anya's heart surgery will be done as well. This also changes my OB, I am still seeing my current OB for now until they "officially" transfer my care, so I do not know who will be delivering my baby yet. I will also be seeing them every 2 weeks or so until birth, which means more doctors appts :-/
This is how I originally planned on announcing gender, and I decided I still needed to post it since I worked hard on the template last week <3
19 Weeks: 190.2lbs (+ 0.6 lbs)
Thursday, April 5, 2012
17 Weeks & 1 Day
So this week I had two appointments.. my regular OB appointment on Tuesday, and my first cervix length check at the Perinatal Center on Wednesday. OB appointment went quick as usual, they took some blood, and I got to hear the heartbeat. The heartbeat was clear and strong! I made my appointment for 4 weeks from now, I will be 21 weeks. My OB also said the perinatalologist wants me to do the glucose tolerance test earlier than normal, so he gave me the nasty orange drink I have to drink 1 hour before my next OB appointment. That stuff is icky... it tastes like stale orange soda.
The Perinatal Center printed me a new ultrasound pic! Yay! They did a quick abdominal ultrasound before doing the cervix check. I wasn't too fond of the ultrasound tech I had... usually the ultrasound tech will talk to you and tell you what they are measuring... this girl stayed silent. I asked her what she was measuring, she said everything looks fine. Your cervix is closed (I'd hope so!). Not exactly what I was asking though... after the ultrasound she flipped through my file, mumbled to herself, and said she needed to check with the doctor, she would be right back. Way to make a pregnant lady worry, geez! She came back and said, "ok, see you in two weeks!" I asked again what did my cervix measure, and she said, "um, well, it was about 2.8cm." I thanked her and left. From research I've done, I know they wanted me to be over 3cm. between 2.5 and 3.0cm is a wait and see sort of zone... and below 2.5cm means bedrest and if before 21 weeks, a cervical cerclage. I hope to know more at my 19wk scan... including the baby's gender. :) Hoping for a nicer ultrasound tech next time!
I feel baby move every now and then, not everyday. One thing that makes me a little nervous is after being up and about all day, by the afternoon I start feeling light pressure in my lower abdomen. I go pee about every 45-60minutes to avoid putting pressure on my cervix, but I still feel pressure! It can get uncomfortable sometimes, like today. If it gets worse, I'll call my OB, if not I'll just mention it next time...
Now I just need to get someone to give me my p17 shot today!!!
17 Weeks: 190.0 lbs (+ 0.4lbs)
The Perinatal Center printed me a new ultrasound pic! Yay! They did a quick abdominal ultrasound before doing the cervix check. I wasn't too fond of the ultrasound tech I had... usually the ultrasound tech will talk to you and tell you what they are measuring... this girl stayed silent. I asked her what she was measuring, she said everything looks fine. Your cervix is closed (I'd hope so!). Not exactly what I was asking though... after the ultrasound she flipped through my file, mumbled to herself, and said she needed to check with the doctor, she would be right back. Way to make a pregnant lady worry, geez! She came back and said, "ok, see you in two weeks!" I asked again what did my cervix measure, and she said, "um, well, it was about 2.8cm." I thanked her and left. From research I've done, I know they wanted me to be over 3cm. between 2.5 and 3.0cm is a wait and see sort of zone... and below 2.5cm means bedrest and if before 21 weeks, a cervical cerclage. I hope to know more at my 19wk scan... including the baby's gender. :) Hoping for a nicer ultrasound tech next time!
I feel baby move every now and then, not everyday. One thing that makes me a little nervous is after being up and about all day, by the afternoon I start feeling light pressure in my lower abdomen. I go pee about every 45-60minutes to avoid putting pressure on my cervix, but I still feel pressure! It can get uncomfortable sometimes, like today. If it gets worse, I'll call my OB, if not I'll just mention it next time...
Now I just need to get someone to give me my p17 shot today!!!
17 Weeks: 190.0 lbs (+ 0.4lbs)
Thursday, March 29, 2012
16 Weeks & 1 Day
Did you miss me last week? I've been posting every week, but skipped last week :) Anyway, 20 days until my gender/anatomy scan!!! Very excited!! 5 days until my next OB appointment, and 6 days until my first cervix measurement at the Perinatal Center. So much to look forward to!! The best part: I felt baby move for the first time last night <3 I was laying down, and first I felt a small jab, then a few minutes later I felt a few flutters. So exciting!! I felt Emoree for the first time at 15w5d, so this one was only 2 days later. Also because I remember dates and all like this and can be slightly superstitious about some things.... when I was 16w1d pregnant with Emoree I was in a car accident on my way home from work, I was taken to the hospital but obviously all was okay. So guess who isn't driving today? ME! Well, I did have to go out this morning, but home now with no plans of going anywhere else. Besides Emoree woke up with a bad cold and doesn't feel well.
This is why I had to go out this morning, to get my first weekly p17 (progesterone) shot. I wish I could do them myself, and may ask the doctor next week if I can give them to myself in my thigh rather than having a nurse at my mom's work give them to me in the buttox. This is a 10 week supply, it cost $146. I will need another 10 week supply too, with the hopes of making it to 36 weeks! The shot didn't hurt anymore than a normal intramuscular shot, no big deal! So far no side effects, I felt a little lightheaded and slightly nauseated right afterwards, but figured out that was because I hadn't eaten in 2-3hrs.
Just wanted to say, this is what I am enjoying while I type this today. My favorite: A Keylime Blendini with Vanilla custard and Nilla Wafers. It tastes just like a keylime pie!!!!
I had a pregnancy massage last week!!! It was FANTASTIC! I wish I could afford to go every 2-4 weeks, I would do it. My shoulder hurts minimally now, not all the time. The one thing bothering me now is sciatic nerve pain, and that isn't something likely to go away :o(
This is the diaper I ordered last month, and I had been waiting for it to come in!!!! I love it!! It is so soft :) I cannot wait to make a big cloth diaper purchase from alvababy.com after I find out the gender!!
I also bought baby's memory book in the last two weeks!! It is the same one that Emoree has, I LOVE it! Baby's is the new one on the left, and Emoree's is the covered one on the right. After I find out the gender of this one, I will make a padded cover for that book too! I also bought Emoree a new book (not pictured). She has mentioned "daddy" once or twice now, So I bought her two books that are geared for kids her age called "Why Don't I Have a Daddy?: A Story of Donor Conception" by George Anne Clay, and "The Family Book" by Todd Parr. They both basically teach kids that there are all different kinds of families.
Belly pic!!! Baby is growing! I still haven't gained any weight though... :o) And I have a confession... I love maternity clothes!
16 Weeks: 188.0 lbs (-0.6 lbs)
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
14 Weeks: Second Trimester!!
Yay for the second trimester, starting today! The second trimester is my favorite part of being pregnant. I can now officially have a pregnancy massage, which I may schedule for next week. I can find out the baby's gender in a few weeks too!
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This is Emoree's room partial makeover! She has slept in her own bed for one week straight, so yesterday her Poppy and I put together hew brand new big girl bed!!! It took 5 hours to do... She also got a new, taller wardrobe to hang up more of her clothes, and most of her floor is now covered in a fuzzy purple rug :) I am still looking to get a new border to cover up her baby one, and I will also eventually make her a new curtain. She LOVES it, and is VERY excited!! I spent over $500 on new stuff for her room so far... good thing for tax refunds :) She needed it though, and it is good timing since I will be starting to put together the nursery in about 2 months.
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I had my consult appointment at the perinatal center yesterday. First thing was my ultrasound, I got to see my little bean moving around!! Baby was measuring at 13 weeks & 1 day, so only 5 days behind, which is in normal range. The heart rate was 163bpm, which is good!! My mom came with me to watch Emoree, and as soon as they put the ultrasound jelly on me Emoree freaked out and my mom had to take her out of the room :( After the ultrasound I talked with the doctor, and went over my whole medical and pregnancy history. I guess she was suprised at my medical knowledge, because she asked me if I was a nurse! After going through all the fertility treatment, I guess I know more than most! The doctor decided that the p17 shots (weekly progesterone shots to prevent pre-term labor) would be a benefit for me. I start those in two weeks, and I need to call my insurance company and the pharmacy to set that up and order them. I will take them every week until I deliver, or 36 weeks. I will also be going to the perinatal center every 2 weeks or so to check my cervix length, to make sure it isn't shortening prematurely (which could cause early labor). My first cervix check is at 17 weeks, April 4th. And the best part is, my anatomy/gender ultrasound is scheduled!!!! I will be 19 weeks, it is at 10AM in April 18th. YAY!!!
These are all of my baby purchases for the first trimester, minus one diaper that I haven't gotten in the mail yet. I think I behaved!! Considering, I got all of the items either on clearance or really really cheap. After April 18th though, and I find out this baby's gender... I don't know if I will be able to contain myself...
This is what the nursery looks like as of today. Since Emoree's room got a make over, a lot of furniture got shoved in here. The rocking chair will stay, and so will the white cabinets (minus the overhead ones, taking those down so I can use the countertop as a changing table). the table and chairs with stuff piled on them will be taken out. The bassinet will go next to my bed. This room needs paint and carpet too... A lot of work to be done!
This is Emoree's room partial makeover! She has slept in her own bed for one week straight, so yesterday her Poppy and I put together hew brand new big girl bed!!! It took 5 hours to do... She also got a new, taller wardrobe to hang up more of her clothes, and most of her floor is now covered in a fuzzy purple rug :) I am still looking to get a new border to cover up her baby one, and I will also eventually make her a new curtain. She LOVES it, and is VERY excited!! I spent over $500 on new stuff for her room so far... good thing for tax refunds :) She needed it though, and it is good timing since I will be starting to put together the nursery in about 2 months.
I am starting to feel pregnant now, and I love it :) I *think* I am starting to feel little flutters every now and then from the baby moving, but I am not sure yet. It is still a bit early!
14 Weeks: 189.2lbs (+0.6 lbs!)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
13 Weeks
One more week left of the first trimester, yay!! I had my 2nd OB appointment yesterday. I got to "officially" hear the heartbeat for the first time! OB appointment went well. Emoree stayed home with her Grandaddy, because I didn't want her to freak out about the doppler. My mom went with me, because she had her own questions for my OB. She wanted to know about the possibility of bedrest and being out of work, and my OB said it's a good possibility depending on how baby and I are doing particularly towards the end of the second trimester. I asked about what I can do or take for my upper back pain, and the answer wasn't too promising. There isn't anything I can take, and tylenol doesnt cut it. My OB did say I could use a heating pad though, and if it continues I could be looking at physical therapy. Hopefully in a week or so I can get a pregnancy massage, and hopefully that will help!
I also asked about the possibility of progesterone shots and if he felt they would benefit me, and that led to a referal to a perinatalologist. Progesterone shots can help prevent preterm labor for women with a short cervix. That isn't necessarily the case for me, but the Perinatal center will evaluate the benefits for me. This is where I am "officially" classified as high-risk, no big shock there I knew that all along. The Perinatal center will also do the anatomy ultrasound at 18 weeks, HOPEFULLY revealing the gender!!! Five more weeks!! Perinatalologist consult appointment is Tuesday, March 13th @ 1PM. When I called to schedule my consult appoint, the girl taking my information asked me what I was indicated high risk for... when I said "unicornate uterus", I don't think she knew what that was, she made me repeat it! It is very rare and there is very little information on it, trust me I have read EVERYTHING I can find! Oh and with going to a perinatalogist, I might even get more ultrasounds out of this too!
I took Emoree to IKEA last night looking at big girl beds! She is very excited. I am not ashamed to say that we co-sleep, but I think now is a good time to try to get her into her own bed, and redecorating her room somewhat before I start putting together the nursery. Also, I need her crib/toddler bed mattress for the crib for the baby, so it is time to move her to a twin bed anyway! Last night was her first night falling asleep in her own bed, and she did very well. We talked all day about not sleeping in Mommy's bed anymore, and she happily repeated "no more Mommy's bed" all day. We looked at bedding sets at Target, and picked out a bed at IKEA. Last night she layed down in her bed, no tears, but it did take her an hour to fall asleep. I tried staying in the next room, and she got up once so I came in her room and sat in the chair next to her bed until she fell asleep. Around 1:15am she woke up and tried to climb in my bed, and I walked her back to her bed and she was alseep within 5 minutes no problem. She came back to my bed at 4:30am, and I didn't want to get up to take her back to her room so I let her stay... but I will call it a sucessful first night! We haven't bought anything yet for her new bed, I might take her to Target tomorrow to buy the new bedding set. We are going back to IKEA next week to buy the bed.
No belly shot today. I might add one to the blog tomorrow if I have time to take one. I also havent picked up a crochet hook all week either, been busy!!
13 Weeks: 187.4lbs (-1.2 lbs)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
12 Weeks & 1 Day
Tweleve weeks! Time is going fast. My next OB appointment is in 5 days, on March 6th. I am excited about that, because that is the first time my OB will use the doppler :) Not that I haven't used one already... considering I bought my own on eBay for $51.88 and have used it twice already this week! It calculates the baby's heart rate too, which if it is accurate is about 120-130. An old wives tale says that if baby's heart rate is above 140 it is a girl, below 140 is a boy. I don't know how much faith I would put into that method, so we still have a few weeks to wait and see!! I had chicken for the first time in 6 weeks last night, I decided to get a chicken taco at El Saltos while I was out with my friends, because I couldn't decide on a veggie dish I wanted, and I LOVE their chicken soft tacos. It didn't make me sick, yay!!! I haven't really been nauseated at all, as long as I eat every 2-3 hours. Yay!!! My complaints are my upper back/shoulders is so sore, and has been for weeks. I blame it on work, haha. I'm going to ask my OB if there is anything I can do/take, since tylenol doesn't help. I get a few uncomfortable twinges in my lower right belly (basically where baby/uterus is) when I stand or walk for a long time, and I am pretty sure it is just my uterus and previous scar tissue stretching. It may be more uncomfortable for me because I have a vertical scar on my uterus from my previous c-section.
I like to shop, I can't help it. These are my purchases in the last few weeks... I've bought 4 one size cloth pocket diapers (the last one hasn't been shipped to me yet). The yellow and blue I bought on eBay, the blue for $4.00 and the yellow for $3.45. They are Babyland brand. The green one I bought for $4.59 from Alvababy.com, which I will definitely be ordering from again, I plan on making a big order when I know if baby is a boy or girl! They are decent quality. I cloth diapered Emoree too, from birth until about 2-2.5 yrs old. I don't mind the laundry, and not having to buy diapers every week is a big plus. With Emoree, I used prefolds with covers until she was about a year old until I learned how to make my own pocket diapers! I've decided I didn't want to make them this time around, that I wanted to invest in one size diapers, and I like the price, considering "brand name" ones run $20-$30. I will use disposables for this baby until baby is 8-9lbs, then switch to cloth.
This is what I have crocheted this week, two hats that I plan on donating to the NICU. I also made a gift for a friend (not pictured). I actually haven't crocheted in a few days...
12 Weeks: 186.4lbs (-2.2 lbs)
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